Lola Pen (Part 2)

To all those who prayed for Lola Pen's recovery, I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart. Thankfully, she's doing well and is solidly in the path to full recovery.

We went to Bulacan to visit her today, and to our relief, she's very much back to her usual old self again. Our Pen is still as lively as ever, and was very happy to see us. Aside from the bandage wrapped around her head, she was pretty much the same. Nagmano ako and kissed her cheek, and soon after, she started to tremble as she tried to stop her tears that started to well in her eyes. My mom cheered her up, but Pen seemingly said to herself "muntik na". True enough, we feared the worst might happen, but God was very kind and granted everyone another chance to show how much we love Pen.

Again, for all who prayed for her, thank you. I'm sure God will have His way of repaying you for your generosity and kindness. Thank you very much, and I pray that may He keep us safe from harm and protect us always.

Out of Convenience

A week ago, my old college friends and I met up for some so much needed get together. It's true that each and every one that attended has become more or less an adult in terms of priorities and responsibilities. The usual chitchat of the hottest happenings in school was in fact still the things that we talked about all night long, since it was one of the experiences we all shared together.

And true enough, one of my friends was once again placed on the hot seat because her relationship with another friend of ours intrigued us, since all she ever did was to avoid the topic from being discussed. It turned out that now, they were in the dark about each other. It was as if they had mutually called off their relationship, if there was indeed any. A few more drinks until I was inebriate, I asked her why didn't she fend for their relationship, and her reply was that she no longer knew if she just liked the person out of the convenience of they could see each other everyday at work.

After stopping to think about what she said, I gave her a fist bump. I've been currently distraught about my feelings toward my friends at work, and "out of convenience" pretty much hits the spot. I understood what she meant: liking someone out of convenience isn't a pleasant feeling. The person becomes a reminder that he or she has become a scapegoat for one's longings for requited love.

But seriously, being single isn't all that bad. It is a time where you can love yourself so you can fully love another.

Lola Pen

My 83 year old grandmother, who we fondly call Pen, met an unfortunate accident early this morning that left us deeply worried about her. She has already endured through an episode of stroke, a period of depression, and is bravely fighting the onset of Parkinson's. The things that happened today alarmed and made us realize even more that we can lose her any moment, no matter how enthusiastic her outlook in life and how strong at heart she is.

I am not too aware of the details that happened. But what I know is that she fell in a very ill way that left her scalp split open, skull exposed. Apparently, their Pitbull broke free of its leash, and Pen at the spur of the moment, tried to block the strong dog with her frail body. The dog ran the old lady over, which made her lose her balance and fall down to the pavement hard. My distressed aunt immediately rushed her to the hospital, fearing an internal hemorrhage since Pen vomited no less than three times. She quickly called my mom after to tell her what happened, who told the news to us.

As I learned what happened to her, I silently prayed to God to give Pen and everybody that loves her dearly strength in this moment of trial. I very rarely pray to God for personal favors, but this is just something different.

This afternoon, I have received a text message from my mom that Pen's head scans revealed no internal hemorrhage. She underwent an operation to reconstruct her damaged scalp and close her wound. As of tonight, it is a relief for everyone as she's doing well at the hospital. With prayers, I hope that she completely recovers from this ordeal.

To anybody reading this, please spare a small prayer for her, and for us as well. I am sure God, with His infinite kindness, will repay you for your generosity.

Gaga Over Gaga

Day in and day out at the office, I've been finding myself increasingly attracted to the pop dance music of Lady Gaga. I don't usually blog about things like these, but heck, I just can't get her music out of my head. My body nonchalantly grooves with the lively beats of the songs she herself composes. She's hailed as a saint amongst the rainbow community, but I admire her as a self-proclaimed creative person. Even though Gaga has a very eccentric style and personality, she has a way of blending it to her musical virtuoso -- and that is what makes Lady Gaga jive to my own move.

There are a share of people who sees her as a genius and as a freak. People are simply weirded out by her brazen fashion ensembles, while others hail her as the next greatest icon. Other people also say she is an instrument of the occult as reflected in her songs and videos. Everybody deserves their own opinions, and I'm just a fan who admires her strong personality and move inducing songs. I have to admit, I don't understand what she does from time to time, but who am I to stop how she expresses herself?

In dancing, a beat is as good as any other, but her songs mixed with shimmery glass-synth music to body blasting bass beats is in a winning battle against my own monsters of insecurity. While watching and practicing dance breakdowns over and over again, I have learned that it is all about accepting and embracing things for their worth. "How will people accept a person if that person cannot accept their own self?" It's that cliche question everybody's heard of, just like a 5-6-7-8. 

I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Sick Elbow

My left elbow has been in pain for several weeks now.

The pain isn't that bad. I can still do everyday things without any difficulties. A bolt of pain just occasionally blitzes through my left arm whenever my elbow gets stretched too quickly or too far. The pain is less now, but it's still there.

I'm pointing my fingers on two culprits: me not doing enough warm-up before I exercised, or very early arthritis. Hopefully, it's just an over strained muscle or a hyper stretched tendon. I feel relief whenever I place a menthol plaster on the area, and that is enough to keep me from getting too worried.

As a result, I have been out in the cold in terms of training for almost over a month now. I am restraining myself even if I'm dying to do so to avoid making my injury worse. I can manage to train as long as I warm-up well and good, but I'm just being extra careful.

Any muscle I've added to my thin arms have atrophied by now -- something I regret. I've worked so hard to gain that little, and it seems that I have pushed myself too far and gave myself an injury. What the coaches said was true: the value of warming-up is usually learned the hard way, and the hard way it was for me.

Not pushing one's self to do more won't do any good, but pushing one's self too far is far more worse. I think it is all about learning the fine line between utter mediocrity and sheer stupidity.

Self-Assessment : Floor (Part Seventeen)

Today, I completed a self-assessment test to measure how well I was faring in our company, career wise. The test was less than 15 questions, but what was tedious about it was that I needed to constantly check what the criteria were in a given dictionary. There were several levels in each proficiency, and each level had a detailed description in the said dictionary. Needless to say, rating myself was an eye opener for me because after almost a year in work, I finally managed to see what was expected from me. And frankly, it was quite depressing to see myself ticking ones and twos in ratings of fours or fives. It was exactly what I said before I graduated: work, in one way or another, meant starting things all over again.

I happily let out a huge sigh of relief as I pressed the submit button, and thought to myself what my next step would be. In the test, my common reason for marking was I still lacked initiative. So will I take this as a challenge to step up, or will I just stand back and be duly content with what I have?

Ennui

I do find a sense of security in repetition, however, there are times when I feel listless and dissatisfied. I feel I have lost the adventurous side of myself: always looking for something new, and always learning things while admiring the magnificent view.

It's a struggle to stay interested, but am I the one to blame when things are just dull and lifeless?