During the week that has passed, most if not all of us in our team were seating at the edge of our seats and was on our toes in racing to meet our very hectic schedule. At the heat of things, I volunteered to be the build master for the submission tonight, only to realize later on that this particular build had a lot of documents attached to it - thirteen long pages filled with walls of text.
Casting my folly aside, I began to compile the documents needed for today's report. However, because of the complexity of our work, I was only able to prepare the materials at around one in the morning. Mounting to the pressure was the fact that all team leads had already left, and I was the only person left to complete the task. It was very worrying since the task of a build master is a very important and critical one. I tried to put up a brave face, but I can't just help to think of the consequences if the build tonight was a failure. Thankfully, the build was successful, not to mention our counterparts who understood the situation and encouraged me for having done a good job.
As I walked home, I thought about the things that just happened: me stepping up to a challenge and completing it even if I had doubts about my capabilities. In the past, I usually strayed away from difficulties since I am afraid to fail. But now, I subconsciously always try to choose the hardest way out and is still terrified to do poorly. I don't understand if it is me proving myself that I can do it, or just me being fearful of falling below expectations.
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