Alone

When I told my mom about being gay, she was worried for me above all things. She wasn't angry at me for being so, but she was troubled because she feared that I will grow to be a lonely person despite my cheerful disposition, since a lot of discreet gays end up being such. That night, I reassured her that she did not have to worry, because I chose to be gay and I wanted to stand by my decision. In my head, I said to myself that I am used to being alone anyway.

She was right. For the past few days, I've been in this limbo of being happy and being lonely. A part of me wants to find someone to share my life with, but a better part of me is content with what I am. Probably deep inside, I am still afraid of a relationship because of what became of my previous one.

I know I can do this. I am no longer the insecure boy who desperately tried to find security from a stranger. I now find strength within me. For now, that is enough for me to carry on, even if I am alone.