Alone (Part Two)

For the past few weeks or so, I've been thinking about going back again to that site. Sure, I've lost my account because of things beyond my control, but nothing else is keeping me from creating a new account. I can freely create a new account and avoid putting pictures that will make me recognizable. But for after so long, I still remain steadfast in my decision of not going back to the site any longer, even if my own reason is unclear even for myself.

But I've got things straight now: it is all because of fear.

In no way am I willing to risk just for the sake of being happy together with a special someone. The things that I went through were too much that up until now, remnants of it still appear in my head from time to time. Looking back, I am amazed that I allowed everything that transpired in the past to actually happen. With reasons now unclear after letting all love and concern go, the only thing left now is fear after anger silently eroded away with time.

I'd be a total, hypocrite liar if I said that I'm not hoping for someone who'll prove me wrong. Sadly enough,  that person already came almost three years ago and proved me wrong: not that I would never find someone that I'll be happy with, but that there was something else much more painful than being alone.

In reality, I still do not find strength within me. My confidence is always impeded by insecurities I know I can overcome, but do not. Whatever the case, I'm slowly inching forward: I find strength in the solace of a separate peace, a silent world only I can see and hear.