Tenacity: That June 2009 Incident

...I see this as a blessing in disguise, parang 'yung isang break-up quote lang, kelangang isipin na inilalayo lang ako ni Bro sa mga di naaangkop na kaibigan. I'll move on, because I realized there is more to life than this stopover with you guys. I hope that when we meet again, we all have grown into better human beings.

Bilang pagtatapos, mag-iiwan ako ng isang aral na huli ko nang natutunan, mula kay Kuya Trip:

"You can never be 'you' if you are defined by any group you have joined."

Jay, from his blog
June 10, 2009


This is probably a dangerous topic to tread on, but I am not taking sides here. I've ever since been an outsider about this issue that tore friendships apart. I didn't prod into the issue, I just childishly chose a side, since looking back, it was the only side I knew.

As far as I know, there were many people involved in the incident, but my only concern was two online friends, Jay, the owner of the entry, and someone I fondly called as Uncle, a person whom Jay and I respected. I valued my friendship with Jay because we had so much things in common, while I highly looked up on Uncle because he always knew what to say.

What happened three years ago was that Jay and Uncle had a falling out due to reasons no longer important now. Jay turned to me, seeking whatever solace I had to offer, as he told me his story on what happened between them. The end was that I took the emotions of Jay to myself and started to hate Uncle for what he did. I remember myself being so angry that I had the strong urge to punch and destroy whatever was within sight.

With a greater sense of maturity unlike before, I can tell that what Jay and I did was wrong. The way things look now, we were kids throwing an ill-placed tantrum. I can't say the same for my friend, but looking back at everything that I have wrote or done, I realize how self-centered I was; the world nothing more but a vessel to spread all my self-caused hatred and problems. My insides seethed at the thought of Uncle because Jay hated him: the thing that mattered most then was the fact that Uncle was the one who left Jay. I didn't place any effort on knowing the reason for it. As I read again what Uncle had to say about Jay's breaking of silence, he made it clear that there is more to the world than just our own childish little selves. I have read this on a lonely midnight three years ago, and only now did I understand what he truly meant. I knew Uncle was as patient as he was intelligent, and I guess what happened was that sadly, he ran out of wire. I'm not the one to blame him, because I'm sure his load was just as full like anybody else's.

I may never know the entire story, but as an outsider with a broader perspective than before, I know that both Jay and Uncle had a terrible misunderstanding, made worse by volatile emotions that ultimately put their friendship, trust, and faith in one another to ruin. I do not know if they have made efforts to reconcile. But even if they haven't, I'm hopeful that both of them are continuing to grow not to be better human beings, but to be more mature individuals who know their own unique strand in the endless fabric of life.


Jay, Uncle, I hope you are both well and good. Someday, I wish to see both of you in person, probably not together, but see you guys in person nonetheless. I just want to shake your hands firmly and politely thank you guys. 'Di niyo lang alam, you guys are one of the persons why the nasty little blogger who wrote nothing but negativity came out the sane and strong person he is today. Cheesy and drama as shit, but true.

Eleven Hints for Life

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.
But what is more painful is to love someone and never
find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a
porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away
feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose
it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been
missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth,
even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you
smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day
seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,
be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and
one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it
hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck
a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may
heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything they just make the most of everything that comes
along their way.

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with
a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,
you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Answers In the Present

I received a text earlier this day containing two of my previous accounts and their current passwords. Shortly after replying thanks, my phone buzzed again and showed a message containing the words I'm so sorry.

It was my ex.

I want to trust him this time around that he's truly sincere in saying sorry, but deep inside me, I just can't help but doubt his intentions. Maybe that or sadly, it's just I bluntly don't care anymore. I've closed that sad chapter of my life and shoved it deep inside the horrible recesses of the past.

Actually, there was no reason to say sorry since I have long forgiven him for everything. In my point, there was no sense to hold a grudge because it just wasn't worth the effort. I have already accepted his apology even before he asked for it. The things that happened were just too painful that's why I don't want him to be in my life any longer.

"The past... it blinds us, it fools us into believing it. But the heart wants to live in the present. Look there, you'll find your answer."

I have long looked in the present and found my answer. This time around, I hope you find yours.

The Present

"It is each man's quest to find out who he truly is. But the answer to that lies in the present, not in the past; as it is for all of us here."

"But the past tells us who we've become."

"The past is a construct of the mind. It blinds us, it fools us into believing it. But the heart wants to live in the present. Look there, you'll find your answer."

Conversation between Matthias Lair and Carl Hauser, 
in the movie Total Recall

One Step at a Time

"You know, you totally destroyed my dreams."

I'm taking my life back, one step at a time. I'll move forward and leave the people who wallow in despair and regret behind. I'll once again live my life, one meaningful day after the next.

"If you're no longer happy, then it's time let go. The pain will be worth it."

Missing Someone

"Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you've seen them or the amount of times since you've talked. It's about that very moment when you find yourself doing something and wishing they were right there by your side."