(Happy) Birthday - 24

Yesterday, I turned 24. I wasn't excited about it.

My birthday this year probably had to be the worst I've ever had. But I have to reluctantly say that this particular birthday was one of the best as well.

Worst, simply because a lot of things happened that either broke my heart, or broke my heart even more. My birthday had a sad prologue of tears and heartbreaks which simply made me lose my will to love ever again. Everything that happened was just too much to bear that I had to throw in the towel.

The best in an unsure tone because I learned a lot. I really do mean a lot. I became a little stronger, and in my current situation, that is enough for me to be content. It's just disheartening that things had to end that way.

People wished me happiness in my birthday, but honestly, my birthday would be a sad one and would never, ever be complete.

My wish? For things to get better for everybody. I didn't wish for happiness because let's face it: I won't be completely happy no matter what happened. I just prayed that whatever obstacles I encounter, I'd have the strength to carry on with life.

But seriously, I just hope things get much, much better when I turn 25.


Pumpkin, I patiently waited for your pasabog today even if I knew it wasn't coming. Tanga no? Naisip ko kung naalala mo bang birthday ko ngayon, but I guess it doesn't matter anymore. Sana maayos ka na dyan sa Canada. I miss you so much. Hindi lumilipas ang araw na hindi kita naiisip. Just give me time na makamove on. It's hard, but I'll forget my feelings for you when the time comes. Like I said, I will never forget you. I love you.

A Genuine Feeling

My birthday passed just like any ordinary day. A few of my friends greeted me which warmed my heart. It was a pleasant feeling. For a moment, I felt content. But after those fleeting seconds, the air was once again saturated with a heavy, uncomfortable feeling. It was as if there was something I needed to do, something I wanted to do, but couldn't. My heart wanted to search for that warm patch of sunlight, but my body and my mind were frightened stiff from the unknown.

No, I was wrong when I said I wanted a genuine smile. What I have lost is the capacity to produce a genuine feeling. Swimming in a seemingly endless ocean of shallow emotions, I wonder what happened that stripped me the ability to feel with my entire heart. I've always been proud to be a deep, kindhearted person. Now, all I see in the mirror is a ghost of the past, an empty shell of the proud present I was.