Yesterday was the birthday of a friend of mine who has been a crush ever since junior year of high school. It has been a very long time, around seven years or so, but I'll admit that I still like him even until today.
I've known him since second year high, as we became classmates then. I've never seen him at school before, and I honestly thought that he was an upperclassman who got retained in second year. Being a member of the varsity basketball team, he had this very athletic look on him: great height, tall nose, and a buzzcut head. During that time, I felt nothing special towards him even if he had the physical attributes I like on a dude -- he was just my classmate. But the following year, I was assigned to sit beside him. Things changed. I started to like him because of his easygoing nature. He always wore his signature grin whatever happened. He looked very mysterious, gallant, and proud, but at the same time, very kalog. Even if his interactions with me were primarily school-related, there were little times that told me he was a kindhearted person. Of course, I did not tell him upfront that I liked him, but I think he knew that since we became seatmates. There were little things I'd do only for him that I won't do for anybody else, even my closest friends: let him copy an assignment, cheat his attendance record, or even make a paper for him. Graduation came, and I remember being down that I would not be able to see my crush anymore. Silly me.
I was surprised that he took the same course as I did: computer science. It meant that I would still see him in college, and that we would still be together, as blockmates at the least. True enough, we were still in the same classes, and he was still the same old him: copying assignments from me, cheating his cuts and absences with my help, and asking me to help him program our first project. I did those things as a friend and not as someone who liked him. Things were okay until one time, in wanting to help him, I lied to him. The sad part about it was he found out about it, and he told me he knew that I lied. That incident was one of those stupid things each of us is bound to make.
I no longer saw him the following year. He dropped out of school, probably because of that incident. I never heard any real news of him after that. All I know was that he's in the States, finishing university there. It was sad, but I moved on nonetheless. He was straight and moreover, he was already in the States -- not that I'm saying I had the chance.
After a few years though, he dropped us a line that he was in the country. He treated us blockmates out for a couple of beers, and I sat beside him, of course. I listened to his stories on how different it was in the States, and how he misses his friends here in the Philippines. He was as easygoing and as kalog as ever -- not to mention his grin and his laugh. That night, I was very happy because I saw him again after a long, long time (and he was even more handsome than before), but at the same time, my heart quietly broke because the reality that we will never be together finally came upon me. I wanted to silently shed even just a lone tear because I knew that I'll never see him again, but I chose not to because I wanted to enjoy his corny jokes and boisterous laughter for the last time.
Wherever you are Joseph, I hope you're doing well. I know you are, ikaw pa?
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