Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Innocence

As I was going back to work from a break, a man carrying his daughter strode past me. The little girl was in her cute little fairy outfit for the Halloween spirit, but different from her happy costume, she was crying. The girl leaned her cheek on her father's shoulder, would silently cry a little, and tried to persuade her dad about something, only to end up sobbing more than before. After spending a few quiet moments, tears welled up in her eyes as she tried to once again talk to her father to change his mind. The father patiently said a resolute no, which made the little fairy hopelessly weep in defeat.

I learned that the little girl wanted a Barbie doll so badly that she was tearfully imploring her father to give her one. She was muttering that her old doll was already broken and ugly. The mother, who was trailing a little behind the pair, calmly told her daughter that she should stop crying because the doll was not for sale, so whatever they did, they could not get it for her. Those words only made the little girl cry even more. She didn't care if other people saw her crying, probably because she wanted the doll so badly.

As I turned right and parted ways with the family, I thought to myself how simple children were. They like the smallest of things, and if they did not get what they wanted, they could simply cry. They could complain, whine, and cry all they want, without anyone being far too concerned. Being an adult, I thought looking at things like that was unfair, since children were innocent to the bigger things in life. Children do not put too much value on their emotions as much as adults do. They do not dream and aspire things the way like we do. They usually just look at the present, unlike adults who look years into the future.

With all the feelings jarred up inside me, I envied the little girl of her privilege of cry. I was jealous as she was able to cry her heart out, and that people were there to console her. As control slowly slipped my grasp, I yelled to myself that I wanted to wail my lungs out, tearfully asking for a reason why I cannot have the little piece of happiness I desired.

As I pressed the call button of the elevator, a tiny but important thought entered my mind: maybe that little piece of happiness I wanted so badly isn't what I wanted after all. Maybe it was something to appease the desires of the present to rid of the past, just like the little girl and her doll.

Still unsure, the doors of the elevator slid open and I stepped out. I asked myself when I lost the childlike innocence I witnessed in the girl. But after some second's pause, I told myself I wasn't worried, because I knew whatever happened in my life, I would be able to pull through, no matter what.

2 comments:

hash purcia said...

I was thinking what if my child cry out loud like the little girl when she want something, what should I do? maybe i buy something cheap but surely she will like just to console her. I don't want her to feel pity to herself because she did get what she want...

For you, you can cry out if you really want... walang mawawala sau, if u just express what u feel... it takes a courage to do that, but, it feel so good if you do...

Nox said...

Hi Hash, thanks for dropping by. I remember when I was a kid I wanted a lot of things, but my mom usually didn't give me any of them especially when she felt I didn't need it. I think I picked this up and grew to be a simple person in terms of personal possessions. :)

I sometimes cry when I'm alone because it definitely helps to ease up things. I just don't like crying with other people seeing because I feel weak when that happens.