After convincing myself I wanted to go, tonight I decided to finally visit the wake of my friend's mom who recently passed away. With shyness filling my insides to the brim, I gathered some courage and entered the viewing chapel where her remains were.
I was greeted by my friend's older sister. After I politely introduced myself, she and I had a little chat on how my friend and I got to know each other. Soon after, she excused herself to attend to the other guests. I silently sat in the middle of the room and emptily stared at the ornate cross quietly looking over everyone in the room. As the other guests chatted to pass away the time, I found myself musing on what my friend and I have become during the little time we spent together before he left. I realized then that I miss him so much, but there was nothing I could do. No matter how strong my desire to see him and be with him was, nothing would happen because we have both made our choices long before.
I stood up and looked at my friend's mother. She looked peaceful and serene, freed from all the pains brought about by her illness. I said a little prayer for her eternal repose and her family's strength of will before saying goodbye. I held the hand of my friend's sister tight as I said my final condolences, and left the chapel.
Before I went home, I passed by a nearby church to offer candles for my friend, his mother, and his family. As the flicker of light turned into a bright and strong flame, I realized one thing: I can always turn to the one up in the heavens for guidance and support. I've always searched strength inside of me, but I never managed to find it -- maybe the reason being my lack of faith not only to the one above, but maybe even to my own self as well. When I left the lit candles to carry my prayers into the night sky dotted with stars, I looked at the cross inside of the church and felt each and every strong and slow beat of my heart.
Kayo na po ang bahala sa aming lahat.
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