Faith (Part Two)

I heard mass last Sunday after a very long time of not celebrating. Being not the most devout Catholic around, I thought to myself that saying thanks for a wonderful first-time experience abroad would be a nice thing to do. I also wanted to thank him for looking over us when we were in a foreign land, and for taking care of our loved ones while we were away.

As the mass was going on, I found myself constantly drifting away to thank for a lot of things, the first being my trip to Malaysia and Singapore. Afterwards, I asked for the continued guidance and good health of my family and friends. I prayed for my friends who were experiencing troubling times for them to find the courage to face and stand up to their problems.

After hearing mass, I remember saying to myself how refreshed I felt. It was a very optimistic feeling that everything would turn out to be well and good. It was like after being shrouded by darkness, I have finally seen the light I have long searched for.

But after a few days, the reality struck me that it everything I felt isn't true. It was a naive thing to feel.

A few days ago, I received a message that a friend of mine was again back in the hospital because of his heart condition. The problem was that some weeks prior, he was already admitted to the hospital for nine days due to a mild heart attack because of problems tearing up his family. On the very same day, another friend of mine left me a message telling that his terminally ill mother has sadly passed away after months of painful battle with leukemia. The sad thing about it was that both my friends aren't here in Manila and will not be anytime soon, which made me feel thrice as much helpless as I actually was. I wanted to talk to them in person to know how they were but obviously unable to, adding immensely to the grief I felt.

My already broken heart broke even more. My tears welled up, but I managed not to shed a single tear. Thinking that I specifically prayed for their cause, I looked up and wanted to ask why everything had to end up that way.

But I didn't. Instead I said a little prayer for them, and continued to carry a very heavy heart and a distracted mind filled with concern. I looked up with a blank stare, and thought to myself that unless I find a miracle, I cannot do anything else but to have faith.

Faith. Maybe that's a miracle in itself.