Monday, June 18, 2012

Stats (File 13)

According to the do-it-yourself health kiosk you operate with a five peso coin,

Your Measurements:
Weight: 165lb 6oz / 75.1kg
Height: 6ft 1.6in / 187cm
Body Mass Index (BMI): 21.5kg/m²
Age and Gender: 24M

Blood Pressure
Maximum Systolic: 128 mmHg
Minimum Diastolic: 77 mmHg

Body Fat Estimation
Fat Index: 13.4%
Fat Mass: 22lb 0oz / 10.0kg
Free Fat Mass: 143lb 6oz / 65.1kg

Heart Rate Analysis
Heart Rate: 82 P/min
Maximum Heart Rate: 103 P/min
Minimum Heart Rate: 75 P/min

Normal Weight: 142lb 8oz - 191lb 13oz / 64.7 - 87.1kg
Normal BMI Value: 18.5 - 24.9
Normal/High/Hypertension Systole: 129 / 130-140 / 140+
Normal/High/Hypertension Diastole: 84 / 85-90 / 90+
Normal Fat Index: 14 - 20%
Normal Fat Mass: 23lb 5oz - 35lb 14oz / 10.6 - 16.3kg

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Project Kratos (Phase I, 2/36)

Project Kratos is my effort to be stronger and lift heavy, with a better looking body only as a result. I'm following the Stronglifts 5x5 Workout: five sets of five reps each exercise, with the exception to the deadlift where it is done five sets of one rep each.

I decided to follow SL5x5 because I was never a fan of isolation exercises and I can't afford to stay for hours at the gym. SL5x5 focuses only on compound exercises, and it allows me to train in under an hour at the most. The core exercise of the workout is the squat, while it's core principle is to start light and progressively add weight each time I visit the gym.

Phase I of Project Kratos is 12 weeks: 36 workout sessions in total.

I started the program with the following stats:
Weight: 161lbs
Body Fat: 13.4%
Posts under this label will serve as my training journal to track my progress and as well thoughts about exercising and the gym for the next weeks to come.

Training Day 2 (06/16/12)
Workout B

5x5 - 50lbs

5x5 - 45lbs

1x5 - 90lbs

Training Day 1 (06/14/12):
Workout A

45lbs, 5x5

45lbs, 5x5

65lbs, 5x5

I was actually scared to go to gym for the very first time. I felt very conscious about other people looking at me while I squat an empty bar. But as soon as I entered the gym and did my business, I felt very relieved because people didn't pay too much attention on what other people were doing. It was like everybody at the gym had an agreement not to bother somebody else unless their form is putting them at great risk for injury. When I went to the gym today, I didn't have the uneasy feeling eating me inside out. I went, did my squats and lifts, took a shower, and left. The gym (at least my gym) was like a brotherhood where every individual values respect to another person's space and time. It was very different from what I had in mind: a place packing beefy men snickering at a thin person's attempt to lift weights as thin as he was.

As Napoleon Hill places it, "neglecting to broaden their view has kept some men doing one thing all their lives."

Friday, June 8, 2012

Tenacity: Ironies


How can you be happy if you know that you won't be in the future? Happiness is just a drug to go to a nice world full of fake realities. Upon entering the state of happiness, you are blinding yourself from the truth of this harsh society. Happiness may be the saddest thing in the whole colorful world of emotions. How come? Being happy is a very selfish act. I mean, how can someone be happy if the people around him/her isn't? In my experience, happiness cannot be created. In order to feel happy, you must make someone sad. See how wrong happiness is? When you are happy, you are an agent of the vicious cycle of happiness. And sometimes, a defeat hurts more after a period of extreme happiness. It really, really does.  

Being happy forever isn't possible.  

Being content is enough. 
But being content is like being happy.  

But keep it to yourself. 
This way the cycle loses a catalyst.

Zweihander, 'Ironies'
December 13, 2006

This is one of the reasons I try to keep a blog. Keeping track of myself through writing makes me see how little or how much I have changed as a person.

I no longer believe what I said almost six years ago. True, being content is enough, but being content isn't the same as being happy. Being content brings a much more profound sense of peace. Happiness can be a mask to hide sad lies, but nothing can replace the feeling of being content. It is a freedom from the yearning to be always happy and fear of being miserably alone in solitude because deep down inside, I know that I can make it through.

Even though I have a lot of mistakes resting on my shoulders, I can now say that I believe in myself. And that is what matters most.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

(Happy) Birthday - 24

Yesterday, I turned 24. I wasn't excited about it.

My birthday this year probably had to be the worst I've ever had. But I have to reluctantly say that this particular birthday was one of the best as well.

Worst, simply because a lot of things happened that either broke my heart, or broke my heart even more. My birthday had a sad prologue of tears and heartbreaks which simply made me lose my will to love ever again. Everything that happened was just too much to bear that I had to throw in the towel.

The best in an unsure tone because I learned a lot. I really do mean a lot. I became a little stronger, and in my current situation, that is enough for me to be content. It's just disheartening that things had to end that way.

People wished me happiness in my birthday, but honestly, my birthday would be a sad one and would never, ever be complete.

My wish? For things to get better for everybody. I didn't wish for happiness because let's face it: I won't be completely happy no matter what happened. I just prayed that whatever obstacles I encounter, I'd have the strength to carry on with life.

But seriously, I just hope things get much, much better when I turn 25.

Pumpkin, I patiently waited for your pasabog today even if I knew it wasn't coming. Tanga no? Naisip ko kung naalala mo bang birthday ko ngayon, but I guess it doesn't matter anymore. Sana maayos ka na dyan sa Canada. I miss you so much. Hindi lumilipas ang araw na hindi kita naiisip. Just give me time na makamove on. It's hard, but I'll forget my feelings for you when the time comes. Like I said, I will never forget you. I love you.

Truth (Part Three)

This series of posts, entitled 'Truth', contains a whole lot of sarcastic resentment and bitterness about the things that happened for the past year and a half. I do not place expletives or vulgarity in my posts, but in the light of the events that happened, censoring these will not fully capture the feelings I am trying to bring out. If you, dear reader, find the above pathetic or offensive in any way, please do yourself a favor and close this tab.

Future Nox, I dedicate this to you. Don't make the same mistakes as I did.

My ex dropped me a line last Friday:

ayaw ko ng mag sorry kase paulit ulit na lang ,saka na lang siguro pag natama ko na yung mali ko sa sarili ko.
tinatanggap ko naman na naging obsess ako
pakialamero..sana hinayaan na lang kita
pero hanggang sana na lang yun kase nagawa ko
wala na akong magagawa dun kundi lumayo na lang sayo
thanks for everything !

The first few words that immediately popped into my mind was and fuck you too. Sana hinayaan mo na lang talaga ako, pakialamero. We've been through this for at least four times, sans the pakialamero part. I always felt a strong sense of compassion sweep inside me every time we had this conversation, but last Friday was different. I'd admit I still felt some soft feelings inside me, but I forced myself to wear a poker face, shrug indifferently, and harden my calloused heart.

alam mo naman pala eh bakit kinailangan mo pang gawin lahat ng ginawa mo?
sa susunod wag ka lang hanggang "sana"
gawin mo
first friday ngayon
nagmisa ako
nung pinikit ko mata ko para magdasal
tangina naluha ako
kunin mo na lahat ng gamit mo sa bahay
intindihin mo na ayaw na kitang makausap, di ko na sasabihin ang dahilan
alam mo na yun
hindi mo na kailangan magpaliwanag kasi bale wala na rin
alagaan mo na lang sarili mo palagi
kaya mo yan
i'm sorry if i sound so mean
pero kailangan ko ito gawin
kailangan natin itong dalawa

See? Until the end, I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was still quite worried about him. He's at his weakest and needs help, but that help would not be coming from me.

And to think that my ex doubted me that I loved him to the point that I doubted even myself. But after all that happened, I'd just swallow what was once my true feelings and tell myself that I never really loved him to begin with. It makes things far more easier and simpler. Why? I'm so broken right now that I cannot afford to have a strenuous emotional life: I'd implode from all the pressure and much unwanted stress and tension. Besides, I don't love him anymore. Rather, I'd love him to leave my life.

I don't regret anything that I went through, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to experience all the fuck and shit that has happened. Regret won't grant me anything but a desire for vengeance. I'd rather treasure all the bitter realities I've learned and experienced to build myself anew.

This time, I'm really leaving without you.