Not an Option

Sometimes, proving one's worth to one's self is harder than proving one's mettle to other people. Other people can judge; praise or critique a person's achievements based on those judgments. But for a person who likes to always do his best, the feeling of satisfaction is never attained until the beast which craves for perfection is silenced.

Failure is not an option. Mediocrity can be handled and digested with a disgusted expression across the face, but not being able to do something isn't acceptable.

I find it hard to comprehend how I am afraid to fail. Yes, I like failures because in these grounds new lessons are learned, but still, I dislike to fail. What I do not like about the experience of failing is the package that goes with it. One cannot simply fail at one thing, because failing will bring a whole load of other meanings. If one fails, it may bring a smudge in your reputation to other people, but more importantly, it will cause a deep, seemingly endless trench of disappointment inside one's self. Maybe I'm afraid to fail because I don't believe in my own abilities enough to say that I can do it. I know I can accomplish many feats that I alone can do, but the problem is, I don't believe I can. Knowing and believing are two different things.

It's just unpleasant to feel buried in a feeling of failure when one is proving one's self to oneself. Couple that with the sad feeling of not trusting one's own self.